A Simple Gym Wish

Why is it that the older and fatter a man is, the more likely they are to walk around the gym locker room without a towel around their waist?

It’s a strange correlation that, unfortunately, has been repeatedly proven true.

Can someone explain this phenomenon to me? Does this inhibition occur naturally as one ages? Forty years from now, am I going to stand in public, think to myself, “To hell with that” and just walk around pantless?

I would really like for someone to explain this to me….

Actually, I take that back. I don’t want to know. I just want it to stop.

Please make it stop.