A Cagen Recipe

INGREDIENTS

1 Long-haired Nicolas “Nick” Cage.

1 Blonde babe.

1 Blazer.

2 1/2 Chase scenes.

1 Mysterious object.

3 Goons wearing suits.

1 Older, crew cut evil mastermind.

1 Burger King toy tie-in and/or talk show appearance.

7 Months of hype.

DIRECTIONS

Season Nicolas Cage by having wardrobe fit the long-haired thespian with a navy blue blazer.

Slowly stir in a mysterious object – a box with strange inscriptions? A tablet of sorts? – that in someway conveys the impending end of the world about to occur in 90 to 120 minutes, depending on the script. Let that simmer on a low heat.

Place Cage aside for a moment and whisk in a blonde babe in an unbelievable job position, such as the pinup girl theoretical physicist. Add large hooters for flavor and mix thoroughly.

Meanwhile, in a medium length scene, combine the goons with the evil mastermind in a delightful criminal caper. After letting that saute for a bit in a non-stick pan, top with the Cage and blonde babe mixture from earlier. Garnish with a young, comic-relief actor full of contrived jokes and a whimsical obliviousness to all of the plot holes.

Top with a melon salsa and lemon wedge.

Serve warm with a Conan O’Brien appearance.

This recipe could easily yield $150 million.

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