Thinking of the Impossible

I thought about my childhood before getting bored with the familiarity of it all. Instead, I moved in the opposite direction and started to ponder about the future. I thought about where I could end up, what I might be doing and who I may be with.

ButI didn’t dwell too much on those details. Rather, I was more interested in what my future self thought about his (my) life. I thought of my future self thinking back to the past (my present) and listing all of the things that he never did and that I will never do.

Most people like to talk about their life goals and dreams. Some feel compelled to brag about them, harping about the things they’ve never done but will definitely do when the time is right or the money is available. They hold onto these hopes believing, whether realistically or not, that they will all come true. In fact, some of them do come true. After all, not all of these goals are big aspirations; some hope simply for a painless trip to the dentist or sunshine on Saturday.

As I thought about myself in the future, I wanted to think about the life goals that managed to slip away. The first thing I recognized as I looked back is how I never made it to the NBA. As of today, I find myself with no other choice but to accept that my professional basketball career will never get off the ground. Even though I would be just entering my prime, the NBA draft is no longer realistic.

Growing up, I would shoot hoops out on the driveway, shouting “Reggie Miller!” as the ball left my hands, clanged around the rim awhile, and occasionally fell through the net very Reggie Miller-like. Sometimes I would post up with my back to the basket and hit a jump hook, shouting “Hakeem!” so kids in the neighborhood knew I was just like Hakeem Olajuwan, outside of the whole African thing.

Back in the day, I assumed playing in the NBA was an inalienable right granted to me upon my birth. I was destined for hoops greatness.

Turns out, I was mistaken.

Now I sit at a desk, occasionally shouting “Jack Welch!” so that those in the cubicles next to me would recognize that I am just like the former CEO of General Electric, brokering multimillion dollar deals while appeasing the shareholders. Sitting at my desk, people would think Jack Welch was sitting right there. Shave a few billions from Welch’s net worth and we’re practically twins.

As I reflected on my non-existent and never-beginning basketball career, I thought about how that means I’ll never play in an All Star game, win an MVP award, or play for the Dream Team. I also will not become a professional baseball, hockey, or football player either, now that I think about it.

I don’t even own a tennis racket so Wimbledon seems like a long shot at this point too.

Once past the sporting world, I wondered about what other things will never come true. Things that I always wanted to do when I was a kid.

Growing up, my career path was always changing. Now that I’m in the working world, I’ve realized that I will never be a cop or a fireman. I won’t be a doctor, a fighter pilot, a lawyer, or a spy.

While there’s still time for me to become an astronaut, I just can’t see it happening. My future self has been stuck on Terra Firma with no hope of leaving ground this whole time. Of course, there are probably some things I could still do that could lead to my astronauting. But I don’t think I have the energy. You need to take specific steps to become an astronaut and I haven’t even got the ball rolling, let alone looked at the hill I have to push the darned thing down.

Also, I’ll never try frog legs. My future self is okay with that. My present self has no complaints either.

I can’t picture any situation where I end up in South Dakota either. I don’t know what’s there. Beautiful countryside? The greatest burger joint? Maybe that’s where the world’s largest pie pan resides?

But I’ll never see any of that.

At no point in my life will I have bought a South Dakotan bumper sticker or a lovely South Dakotan t-shirt with a funny South Dakotan saying printed on it. My future self can only dream about what South Dakota looks like because he will have never experienced it first hand.

And you know what?

I’m okay with that.

I really don’t think I’m missing anything. Then again, I’ll never get to find out what I’m missing.

My livelong dream of spending a summer at Camp Anawanna – a place I hold in my heart and which, when thinking about it, makes me want to fart – will never come to fruition. I suppose I could go outside and salute my own shorts, but that would be weird. Right?

People say they want to learn a foreign language, but I don’t see it happening at this point. I won’t see an elephant out in the wild either. And I doubt I’ll ever have a cup of coffee with Jeff Goldblum. I’m 50/50 on this. On the one hand, it’s Jeff Goldblum; on the other it is just Jeff Goldblum, you know?

I’ll never be able to pull off wearing a tank-top unironically.

At no point do I see myself taking karate lessons.

I sincerely believe I fill visit other countries, but not nearly as many as I want.

I will never be a bus driver. I will never learn to drive a bus. Hell, I will never even sit in the driver seat of a parked school bus. There are billions upon billions of people on this planet and only a small percentage can drive a bus. If my future self keeps up with his math skills (he won’t), he would be able to calculate the percentage of humans that are bus drivers, a percentage that doesn’t include him.

Despite owning several hats, I don’t see myself ever regularly wearing a baseball cap.

I can learn to juggle, but I won’t.

I can buy a cat, but I won’t.

I can get a tattoo, but I won’t and I can’t for I would pass out at the sight of the colored tipped needle moving towards my exposed skin. My future self will have the same color skin that I live with now.

I won’t dye my hair a different color or go through this weird stage where I walk around wearing black eye liner.

As my future self does a self body-scan, he would notice that he went through life – and that I will go through life – having never gotten a nipple ring (society, you’re welcome).

When my future self is done dwelling on the missed opportunities, he will surely reminiscence about all of the exciting and thrilling things that he did manage to do. The people he met; the food he tried; the things he did and learned; and the all of the places that he went, albeit without Jeff Goldbum.

And probably without the Swedish bikini team either, but you never know. Some dreams are worth hanging onto.