Hulkamania Runs Wild in My Dream

Allow me to share a dream I had:

I was golfing down in Florida. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon; there were no clouds in the sky. The green leaves hanging from the trees seemed to glisten. While walking down the fairway, I ran into none other than Hulk Hogan and Jimmy “The Mouth of the South” Hart. We get to talking and start hanging out at this unnamed resort.

After we complete our round – I don’t recall what I shot, but I imagine that even in my dreams I shanked a few dozen into the woods – we head to the clubhouse for lunch. As we walk into the crowded restaurant, we run into Hogan’s ex-wife, Linda.

It was awwwwkward.

I could definitely feel the tension in the room. Things were so tense, I almost woke up.

The Mouth of the South and myself both thought it would be wise to steer the Hulkster away from his ex-wife. However, he was in a confrontational mood; I suspect that’s what made him such an excellent wrestler. While they argued at first, that quickly blew over. Soon Hogan started talking amicably with his ex-wife.

Before you know it, they decided to get back together.

To make their re-coupling official, they decide to hold a wedding reception – without the wedding part – at the resort. They planned to hold the reception in an outdoor courtyard. The area was enclosed with huge arches that were wrapped in vines. It really was a sight to behold. To further accentuate the bright blue skies and glimmering greenery, the Hogans brought in a famous decorator to dress up the courtyard. While the decorator was preparing the courtyard for the big non-wedding wedding reception, the resort owner entered and asked to see Hogan’s ex-wife’s wedding dress.

She didn’t have one.

We quickly discovered that this particular resort had this rule that anyone who used the courtyard must wear a wedding dress. Since there was to be no wedding, she didn’t have a wedding dress. Naturally, she tried to play the “Hogan card” to get an exception made, but that didn’t work with this owner. I suspected that he was more of an Ultimate Warrior fan growing up.

Hogan was quiet the whole time the owner and the ex-wife argued. I suspected this was his way of keeping the new-found peace. The argument with the owner ended with the ex-wife refusing to wear a wedding dress. This, in turn, ticked off the decorator because now all of his work was done for not. He really did have an impressive amount done in what seemed to be three minutes top.

The centerpiece on all of the tables were these white vases holding pink flowers that you could just tell the ex-wife did not like; and the decorator could tell too. I don’t know if it was the color or the simplicity of the pieces that Linda despised. I’m not too up on this stuff, whether it be in my dreams or in real life, but from what I remember, the centerpieces looked fine to me.

However, Linda clearly did not share my opinion. There was this unspoken tension brewing with the decorator. While nothing was ever explicitly said, I got the feeling there was some history between these two. They went back a ways, no doubt about it. I was curious if Hulk Hogan knew this. Part of me believed that if he did, he would have never agreed to let this particular decorator work his second wedding reception. On the other hand, love can make a man do crazy things and perhaps the thought of getting back together with his ex-wife was enough to prevent Hulkamania from doing a leg drop on the chap.

Anyways…

The ex-wife eventually agreed to get a wedding dress from a Jamaican dress designer who created her original wedding dress. It should be noted that I’m not sure if that meant she was ordering a dress from Jamaica or having a Jamaican woman fly in and create one.

Linda even agreed to keep the pink flowers and this, in turn, made the decorator happy. The pieces were starting to fall into place.

Despite the positive turn of events, something still seemed off. I gave Jimmy Hart a look and we were thinking the same thing – this reunion will never last.

You could just tell by the subtexts that there was still some unresolved conflict between Hogan and his ex-wife. We just knew that Hogan would end up getting hurt in the long run. And based on his body language, I think Hogan realized that too. But even if there was pain later, he deserved this one day of happiness and neither Jimmy Hart or myself were going to take that away from him.

After deciding to let Hogan attempt to reconcile with his wife, I awoke.

My dream was complex than most that I remember. This particular one was built using some classic sitcom plot devices. There was the “where’s the wedding dress?” conundrum that almost prevented the non-wedding from happening. And of course there was the “oh no, we pissed off the decorator! My wedding is going to be ruined!”

Despite the traditional boy meets girl plot, the dream put a little twist on these otherwise popular conventions. The ending even took a much different tone than most would have expected. Even though Hogan was getting back together with his ex-wife, you would think that would mean a happy ending.

But really, it was quite bittersweet.

I know that that happy ending would only be temporary. But my dream wasn’t about six months down the line. It was about that one moment when two botox babies came together to reconciles their differences in the name of love.

Despite the storm clouds looming over the horizon, I still have hope that the two can get back together and be happy, if only in my dreams.