A Call to Arms

Growing up, much of my time was spent in a school cafeteria. Most of it was spent eating lunch during the school day, a sometimes edible treat to help give my mind a break. But when the school closed for the weekend and the night sky blanketed the city, the cafeteria turned into the hottest night club in town.

The most reasonably priced DJ was set up near the stand where the little paper cups of Jell-O used to jiggle during lunch. Strobe lights were stationed on either side of the two main speakers.

The place was packed; the music was bumping – absolutely bumping, I say – and undoubtedly the boy’s bathroom was victimized by some vandal.

While out on the dance floor, there was not a hipper, cooler dance move that a person could pull off than “raising the roof.” The choreography was brilliant in its simplicity. Simply extend your arms out to the side; bend your elbows at 90 degrees; open your palms to the sky and move your arms up and down, thus raising the roof and anything else above you, including the industrial air conditioning unit.

Back when Dré and Snoop rolled straight out of Compton and into our hearts, “raising the roof” actually meant something. It was the ultimate status symbol for the youth of America and their love of structurally sound architecture. Over the years, the dance move escaped the darken school cafeterias and spread like an irony-laced wild fire, straight into the suburbs. Little old ladies who could barely lift a spoonful of soup – let alone lift the roof of a gazebo – could be seen raising the roof while playing mahjong.

When someone is looking to bust out a brief, impromptu dance move, they usually rely on raising the roof. They would never get the same, full elbow extension that we did back in the day. Instead, they would do more of a “placing a box on a high shelf” type of maneuver. Now, more than ever, “raising the roof” has been relegated as the go-to move for comedic dancing. Drew Carey has become a master of this. People like this are mere posers who got trapped below the glass ceiling. With minimal head room, the only way for the haters to escape was to take our beloved treasure and turn it into another Macarena. There are now a whole generation of kids who don’t know what it means to raise the roof with sincerity in their souls.

Before the bingo junkies and witless comedians came about, “raising the roof” was more than just a dance move. Moving our arms up and down in unison was something special to us. We didn’t gather in low-lit cafeterias, stepping over the day’s Salisbury steak stains on the floor, for nothing. (Friday’s Salisbury steak stains were usually Monday’s beef tips over noodles.) There was a roof above us and it must be raised to the beats of Diddy and Biggie and Tupacky.

Throughout history, the roof has played an important role in music. There’s the controversial pro-arson song proclaiming the roof to be on fire. Perhaps after previous generations destroyed the roof, Generations X and Y convened to rebuild the roof, thus leading the way towards raising the roof.

Limp Bizkit has performed many a concert on the roof, presumably to provide easy access to a ledge to all those who got sucked into buying Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water to jump off of (I don’t care if you did it all for the nookie; you can just take that cookie of yours and stick it in your yeah, you get the picture).

After having our dance move stolen from us and belittled by the masses, it is time to take it back. Gather in your converted cafeterias and downtown night spots! Raise the roof with pride! If your palms get sweaty and you fear that you may lose a grip on the roof, count on your fellow roofers to help share the load. By working as one, we can strip away the sarcasm and expose the ironic roof raisers while sharing in the idea that we will not be crushed by the weight of the world! By once again raising the roof, our uplifting dance move can help show that despite all the troubles that may come to cloud our hopes and dreams, the sky is still clear and blue. Those hopes and dreams are obtainable anytime we gather in a group to knock down walls and raise the roof.

United, our arms shall once again raise up towards the roof and beyond.